- I don’t speak French. I don’t speak English. I am from Yorkshire.

GEOFFREY BOYCOTT

 

- Thunder is the sound of God moving his beer barrels across the floor of the sky.

 CYRIL FLETCHER

 

- Well Captain, I’ve to admire your balls.

- Perhaps later.

CORPORAL PERKINS AND CAPTAIN BLACKADDER

 

- An Irishman goes into a fish and chip shop, says, “Fish and Chips twice.” The guy says, “I heard you the first time.”

 SPIKE MILLIGAN

 

- Police probe Leeds girl’s snatch. Can you help?

 CRIMTIME PRESENTER

 

- I’m not against naked girls – not as often as I’d like to be.

 BENNY HILL